BadMormon

Embarrassing Emotions

I’ve gotten thrown. I think it’s part an overwhelming amount of details and projects right this moment. None horribly difficult but all with a lot to track as well as I’m on deadline for finishing off my script. OR past deadline really. Been having to concentrate really hard on getting the most important stuff done.

I don’t like being blue, depressed and trying to figure out how to reprogram the risk taking hope moments so they take a hike and you can learn to simply work for yourself. It’s always been you, that’s the part that sticks, the thing that saves you, the part that makes you ok in the night, me, myself and I.

I can’t believe how raw 5 seconds of whispered nothing has made me.

Sometimes, especially in the mid-life crisis area, a moment will spin you. The most bitter thoughts on myself and life and surviving were triggered. And I don’t want to put them away.

Part of this is now holding it close to my chest, keep it in as much as you can, put it into the script, the act, the defensive walls. Part of it is keeping more and more vigilant as you struggle to find the way to keep yourself no matter what.

Time to start the brainwashing. Scrub the folds of the medulla oblongata into concrete opinions that will not sway you into dangerous territory again. Solidfy yourself as you’ve seen the old do and realize it was an active choice for them as well. These are the lessons life learned. This is the character built. Human, compassionate and all putting everything into my life and truly understand what boundaries are.