BadMormon

Clearing the Decks

How do you talk about sudden emotional collapse? Probably not that sudden. Have a lot of things juggling right now and dropping some stuff and doing my best to remember the most important thing is work and rent, and the boy, after that everything else. I have to learn to let go achieving the impossible and doing it all well. I’m doing most of it good enough for me. I got nothing else.

Triggered by an old face and a few words together, murmured from a friendship and understanding no year switching over will change. I don’t know how to explain it. We live in the place people talk of when they say roots and ley lines and magical conjouring. It always felt quite unavoidable a connection, a spiraling of selves and yet the situation is completely untenable.

I mean it’s in our heads and our scents and a way of communicating that works in the eyes so that past pain is forgiven in one look.

And he said “I miss you.” and I agreed with “life sucks.” and it was fraught with my inability to cope with one more past haunting me.