YouTube – Justin Timberlake and Ashley Arrison – Opposites Attract.
I simply typed LOL into youtube search engine and ffound the scariest little video of children performing. So bad and so professional at the same time! OH justin, if we only knew ye then… Is this something that disney show made them do? I don’t follow justin but he’s won my love on SNL. No problem being a big goof.
man oh man Internet, Do you know what I’ve been up too? Have your webeyes peeked out of the laptops that surround my days and snagged photographic proof of the twists and turns life has taken?
I’ve written a hundred of blogs in my head as I ran from place to place or sat and relaxed and slept in the past weeks. But wasn’t able to sit down and get it out of my fingers.
part of that reason is that, well, sometimes things feel delicate. Like the smallest drop will do a ripple no one wants and the things that are hopefully repairing and growing will become to delicate to survive.
so the ex and I are recovering the knowledge of each other as friends and partners in an art collective and remembering how we have fun together.
it’s weird
I don’t know that i’ve ever managed to truly rebuild a trusting relationship with someone I’ve run aground with.
i’ve def regained communication and contact but i don’t tend to hang out with exes or pursue friendships I’ve dropped. This is probably my failing. I see it as a smart defense. I don’t need to be nice just so things are nice. This is because it has bit me in the ass soooooooooooooo many times I finally was pavlovian responsed right out of it.
now I have this person in my life who seems determined to keep working on things between us whether I want too or not. And I do, to a point.
My problem is simple. When people get close and then leave it hurts. The most difficult part of it is that this happened in the largest sense to me as a child so it’s more of a primal response than decisions at the time. And when there is one pain trigger I usually slam the door. I reverberate the pain, only now understanding where all the hurt lives and breathes and feeds on the next one to be bigger than warranted.
sigh
it’s tough but not hard this learning to rebuild. Figuring out where the boundries are, what you do and do not want from each other, learning to say words to faces that listen, all skills I’ve not had, the things I am very bad at after my walls are raised.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s going well:) I feel I have my friend back, that guy I loved hanging out with when we first met. There is in someways a deeper trust between us but i think it comes from the fact we trust our knowledge of who each other is AND we know each other better now.
He’s almost convinced me he’s not gonna ever really leave. I have my hesitations. I’ve learned time tells it all over again and again and again. Most people grow slowly, retreat, inch, go a bit more, sometimes never make it. Me included.
I have no idea how “we” will turn out. but for once I’m enjoying learning my lesson. I hope this missive satisfies dear Internet, to keep up the run of giving me what I ask for. I know the tribute is my heart poured out in as artistic a merit way as I can. I am grateful for this time in my life. While the daily grind is still pulverizing me, as it does so many, i have the life I wanted! ART! Sleep, sunny days, basic necessities, love, expression and I’m relaxing a little, enjoying the respite, breathing and trying to find ways to keep it going on.
life got busy. happy, tiring, worn out, workin, playin, emotin, movin, busy. Stuff is going on and I crave the time to sit and process it all with my blog, my brain, my boyfriend.
I’m sorry baby I’ve been ignoring you. I will balance it out soon, I promise. I will tippitytap a big long missive of love into your electrified loins sooon, i PROMISE. kisskiss
Days of Our Lives, Nicole just told the doctor, who sold her a baby to pass as her daughter and whom she just pushed down the stairs trying to kill, as she stands at the end of the his hospital bed, “you made me want to kill you the minute you showed up at my door here in springfield and because you made me want to kill you it’s your job to not give me an opportunity.”
ah…
I didn’t even touch on the part of the story line where the stolen adopted baby is actually her husbands baby but by his last ex, sammy, who is the other conniving bitch on the show…
melodrama don’t get no better than this.
I do not blog like I did. It helps the killing pain of heartache has taken a vacation. That i’m working. Tired. etc. Not so much with the spillage. but I’ll be back!!!!
YouTube - Blind Melon – No Rain .